Reasons Why I Enjoyed Dating Smeagol More than Dobby

He has a WAY better body.
He actually has hair.
He's a snappier dresser (that loin cloth is SO much better than Dobby's pillow case thingy).
He doesn't look like any Russian presidents (click the link below to see an article on how people are saying that Dobby looks like Vladmir Putin).
He's a better athlete (Did you see him catching that fish in The Two Towers?)
His nose isn't as big.
He has really gorgeous eyes.
He has better grammar. He can talk about himself in the third person and the first person plural, but Dobby can only do third person. He can also use pronouns
He's more poetic. He wrote that entire forbidden pool song all by himself.
Note: In case you happen to be that person who sits behind me in orchestra or some other weirdo who thinks that I actually think that Smeagol is hot, I'm not being serious. I have not in the past and never plan to have a serious relationship with any reptillian-looking computer-generated characters from fantasy movies. I'm not going out with Dick Cheney, either.